May I have a Cheeseburger?
by metameric1
Summary: Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a cat as it sits in what appears to be extended contemplation of the nature of life? Did you think that they were sleeping? Surprise! (NOTE: companion series to SISTERS AND FRIENDS as well as NOTES 1)
1. Chapter 1

_**A/N: the usual disclaimers apply- Daria and related characters are the property of MTV/Viacom or whomever has acquired ownership. This is a work of fanfiction, done entirely for fun and no profit whatsoever…no money or other valuable instruments have changed hands…nothing, nada. **_

_**Okay. Listen up.**_

_**Have you ever wondered what goes on in the mind of a cat as it sits in what appears to be extended contemplation of the nature of life? Did you think that they were **__**sleeping?**_

_**Hah!**_

_**They were composing 'pathic letters to other cats. It's a lot of work, so it's often followed by immediate and deep sleep, particularly if they include images in their letters. They can do that, recovering images from their visual cortexes and reformatting them as attachments. I hear that they also are working on a feline version of Facebook, so think about that before doing embarrassing things in front of a cat.**_

_**I offer this set of drabbles with sincerest apologies to the late Natsume S**__**ō**__**seki, author of **__**I am a Cat**__** (and the late Isaac Asimov, for the title of this first chapter.) And of course, a salute to that pioneering website that has a similar name and also seems fixated on felines. **_

_**Enjoy, if you can. You don't have to read this, if knowing the truth frightens you.**_

_**Oh, yeah...completely forgot to mention that these two are the cats existing in the world of my other stories Sisters and Friends, and Notes 1. (Duh!) **_

_**May I Have a Cheeseburger?**_

_**Chapt. 1**_

_**I, Weevil**_

My Dearest Fiona,

It was quite the pleasure to meet you over the holidays. I trust that this is the start of a long and mutually beneficial relationship.

I must say I found your humans to be extremely entertaining, particularly the male elder Jake. I continue to marvel at even the possibility that he sired my mistress Daria. The matriarch Helen, on the other hand, clearly shares the same intellectual facility as my Daria. I find it quite fascinating that humans come in such a wide range of patterns and expression.

The one called Annie seems to have a great affection for you, and our kind in general. She is quite skilled at gentle grooming. It is a pity that she is not part of your immediate household.

Your younger female, the one called Quinn, seems also quite taken by you. She and Annie appear to be bonded, as my Daria and Jane are.

Are your Quinn and Annie mated as yet? They both seem to be quite desirable as humans go. I was surprised to note that they were not accompanied by males during the holidays.

My Daria and Trent are mated, as I think was quite obvious; my Jane as well, although Jane's mate does not reside here on a permanent basis. Perhaps that is just as well, as I am currently composing this message from the common room, having been summarily ejected from my favored laundry basket as my Daria and Trent engage in something that they seem quite fond of doing. Whatever it is, my normally reserved mistress seems quite vocally enthusiastic about it.

Anyway, I must rest. Letters are quite exhausting for me. Until next we 'path, I wish you warm sunshine and fine dining.

Yours,

Weevil Morgendorffer-Lane


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: to clarify, this exchange begins shortly after the Christmas in _Sisters and Friends_ and _Notes 1_. Same universe, different point of view…

_**May I Have a Cheeseburger?**_

_**Chapt. 2**_

_**May I have this dunce?**_

Dearest Weevil,

The pleasure was all mine. It will be a delight to share observations on our mutually connected symbiotes.

You are quite correct in regards to the elder Jake. He is a most peculiar individual, and yet I find myself drawn to providing an emotional comfort to what I believe to be a somewhat troubled soul.

I too find his eccentricities wonderfully entertaining, although I must confess that his culinary ineptitude was somewhat off-putting. I was forced to take a modest corrective action; regurgitating on his shoes was quite effective. At heart he is a good human, without a true malicious streak; his discomfiture at my gastric distress was most sincere and has resulted in a more restrained style of seasoning.

You are correct in that my Quinn and Annie are bonded, and as yet have not selected serious mates. I suspect that they both aspire to the kind of relationship that your mistress Daria and master Trent share.

Oddly enough, I suspect that my master Jake and mistress Helen share a similar robust relationship, different though they may be in character and disposition. One thing is clear; I do not believe that I will be bored as long as I remain a party in this household.

Perhaps one day I will be fortunate enough to visit you; I do enjoy your humans as well. I am curious to see what sort your mistress Jane has chosen as her mate. I find her to be a delightfully irreverent female.

Be well, my friend, and may you always find a welcoming lap.

Most sincerely yours,

Fiona Morgendorffer


	3. Chapter 3

_**May I Have a Cheeseburger?**_

_**Chapter 3**_

'_**Nipped**_

Deer Foina

Whoooo, I haff a funny mousie here

is fulla...shhhhh...'nip an is like whoa…gotta haff moar…dood you haff wun too?

Wheeee!/

Wan r u comink too visit mee? Don' forgot you gurlfren k?

Ow I fall off da couch

Need moar…mousiemousiemousie

Mousie goooood

-wEevfill mOrgduffr-layn


	4. Chapter 4

_**May I Have a Cheeseburger**_

_**Chapter 4**_

_**We Shall Not Speak of Dis**_

Deerist WeeV

Yes I too haff one of dose nefarious cloth mousie things full of fricken 'nip.

An yah it good fer shure…my Jake gived it to you and mi an thot it was amusing to make me temporarily the same edges as sssslaksjfd

?)(*# (((

(*&%####!_^&#(

bye-bye

-Finaa

ps

ow

I falled off couch too


	5. Chapter 5

_**May I Have a Cheeseburger?**_

_**Chapt. 5**_

_**Only Feline**_

Dearest Fiona,

I most deeply regret the message I last sent your way. I was not quite myself, as you probably know; it was a regrettable moment of weakness for me and was a rather surreal experience. The effects of the 'nip have abated since the sachet was fortuitously lost under the couch, beyond my weak-willed grasp.

Please consider this my apology for my humiliatingly crude missive.

On another subject, we recently had another male human visiting our home; they were engaged in a communication with your household. I heard and saw your mistress Quinn on the device; the new human and your mistress were communicating for a rather long time.

Interestingly, he had a conversation with my Master Trent and Mistresses Daria and Jane afterwards, and seemed rather pleased with something. I suspect that he was quite captivated by your young mistress Quinn.

Rather intriguing, don't you think?

Most sincerely and curiously yours,

Weevil Morgendorffer-Lane


	6. Chapter 6

_**May I Have a Cheeseburger?**_

_**Chapt. 6**_

_**Curious, Indeed**_

My Dear Weevil,

There is no need whatsoever to apologize. I myself was clearly behaving badly, and fortunately (although inadvertently) applied the same remedy, losing my toy mouse under the refrigerator.

We shall speak of this no more.

I believe the device our humans were communicating on is called a computer. Each human in my household seems to have a similar device and spends an inordinate amount of time playing with it each day. Sometimes I find it necessary to simply sit on the infernal thing in order to obtain a meal!

But I digress. Yes, I too noticed that communication. My young mistress Quinn and the lovely Mistress Annie has been engaged in some sort of project recently, and I believe that new human that visited your household was enlisted to assist. She took rather copious notes during that exchange, and afterwards I noticed that she seemed rather absorbed in "Googling" this new human. There seemed to be a subtle shift in her neurochemical state; I noticed that she began emitting a very faint and curious pheromone into the evening.

I could not identify the olfactory signature; I sometimes regret that we cats lack the heightened sense of smell that some domestic canines are reputed to posess. (_Eeeew,_ as my young mistress is fond of saying.)

As far as I can tell, there seemed to be a very slight similarity to the pheromones I detect from the elder human's nesting chamber whenever I am rudely ejected from the room. I believe you mentioned this behavior yourself with your mated mistress and master.

I theorize that this is somehow part of the human reproductive process. For some unfathomable reason they don't seem to be very good at it; you'd think for all the effort they seem to put into it we'd have more human offspring about.

Oh, well, another mystery.

Your Companion in This Adventure We Call Life,

Fiona Morgendorffer


End file.
